Crimson & Scattered ...

Distorted thoughts, have a lot and a desire to put forth everything in words but since sometime now i have not been able to bring myself to register anything, any feeling, any emotion. I find myself loosing a bit of me and gaining a lot of nothingness. Seems easy for people to give out sweet and comforting words yet the truth remains unchanged that the void lingers... Today i saw something so beautiful, it looked as if straight out of an artist's canvas ... the sun illuminated the sky with its golden, rose tinted radiance through the gloom of roving grey clouds... It made me smile... Life is beautiful... reasons to revel in it is what I have to now discover... everyday... every moment... I fathom that the bruise will remain, the hurt will be cherished too but only I could bring happiness to me... 

bruised and how .....

with or without you ... with or without youu.. i cant liveee.... with or without youu.. 


epitomizes the thoughts in my head so true... letting go of myself yet again... yet again free-falling... feeling the rush of pain from the bruises, the love, the addiction... i smile throughtout the whole journey as I know that inspite of everything that I want, the indifference supercedes the want ... the ignorance paints a grim picture .. ugly, lonely & dark ... I am slowly coming to be in the presence of nothingness and though I would want to walk away from this all, I would not be able to ... The numbing silence of the night is the most dreaded hour when I am invariably consumed with my emotions and I cannot help but wonder how life could get so unfair ... how when everything looked to be falling in place suddenly fell apart ... how the tears go unnoticed every night.. how days on end it becomes difficult to put on a mask for people around to not let them see through the sort of mortal that I have come to be ... often drowning is the answer rather than floating around being helpless ... yet i am surviving .... hoping that someday i will start to live...  

In no mood to blog quite frankly, yet i am compelled to ... with all the mish mash of thoughts in my head letting it out is the next best option !!! ... havent been myself lately, feels like everything around is moving in a sepia mode with a panoramic view and people are scouting at their own pace oblivious of my existence... in the past this would have made me feel good, a self-proclaimed loner but not this time ... not this moment... like the cold, damp weather my soul has started to sense the change... too afraid to accept it ... and yet it is happening !!! ...

Feels like a rage inside ... like a rebel i am trying to fight a battle within and no matter the outcome I grow to be stronger and weaker at the same time... Circumstances brings the strength and Emotions the weakness... i am soaking in the glory of both as i come to the understanding that as a person i must dwell in either sides to create a balance else i wouldn't justify to the being that i am ... my persona ...

rocking with retro !!!

i simply love the nights ... gets me into a person that i wish i had been more of in the day as well .. hehe.. but the day passes by with just a lot of randomness happening around me...today is not one of those days though...and so it urged me to write something yet again ... its different where a cutesy lovely childlike tease has taken precedence on my senses .. smiling for no reason...a giggle here n there ... reminiscing... the mood is set ...retro is rocking my world around me... roy orbison, lionel richie, roxette & richard marx are giving me company as well... hehe..and off late this happens to me very few times :-( and when it does i am totally in love with it !!... hell yeah ! .. :-)) hehe... the best thing i fathom is that this is me... nothing but me, without the addage of the social norms, dos n donts, formalities n obligations ... free of all ...my soul breathes alive... feels so good... awesomenesss !!!!!!! ...

first steps in the blog world...

Thanks to my friend, finally the realisation dawned upon me and here i go instead of trying to vent out my thoughts on a useless notepad and shoving it around in some folder on my laptop and forgetting about it i'd rather voice it out here...least i get an audience here :) and so i would know how crappy or insane or enlightened i sound from the feedback that i'd receive. As of now, this should count as my introductory first ever blog in the cyber world... hope the journey remains to be consistent and as thought-sharing. Adios and goodnite to the blogworld. Signing out.