oblivion ... that is what i fear and what i have faced each time ... sitting in my room ... is like the sheer fact hitting hard on my face ... poking unto me incessantly to make me realise how my decisions are to doubt and that how much ever conviction and heart i put in them they always turn out to stab me in my back, betrayal !... so painful it makes me numb... tough to decipher is this how life is suppose to treat me everytime then why do I make the effort of being honest ... banking on gut instincts ... is such a bitch ... life has yet to teach me how to be selfish in love a lesson if understood maybe the pain might lessen ... and even though the road to guilt wud begin ... treacherous yet manageable i guess... heart aches are much worse than anyone can anticipate..
victim of circumstances or destinys child for either one would not suffice the coarse journey it represents ... and although turns are brought along as a surprise rather uninvited too .... i take it all with a nod ... acceptance ... adjustment ... it becoming a part of life ... and I becoming more complacent ...victimizing oneself has been such an effortless and satisfying experience to say the least, to make believe that everything that revolves around me has been a hoax or in pertinence to negate my wishes...feelings...wants...engulfed in bitterness ... wow ! just absolutely surreal... completely forgetting the purpose or even the reasons for all the happenings during this walk of life that i have embarked upon ...insults became more dearer than tender words of love ... was I feeling trapped or trapping myself in misery, well, go figure ...
